I don't think you ever slept a whole night in your own bed. Until last week.
From the day you were born you have slept in my arms, on mine or Dada's chest or in bed next to me. When you were very small you slept part of the night in a hammock which you loved but when you got too big for it and we tried your cot, you really didn't like it! It slowly became clear that you just wanted to be near us. And we all started sleeping a bit better for it. Dada started sleeping in random places - on the bedroom floor or in the lounge - just so this very tiny person could take up over half of a kingsize bed next to me.
This worked for us. I loved having you next to me. To hear your soft breathing, the touch of you next to me and to be there every time when your hand reached out for me. We were all happy with the sleeping arrangements and slowly but surely you settled into waking just once a night...which I have to say was bliss after 16 months of very broken sleep.
Then we moved house. You have a bedroom with your big boy bed. From the day we moved in I started putting you down for your naps there and it was fine. So we started talking to you about maybe sleeping at night in your bed. Just over a week ago we took the leap. I slept on your bedroom floor for a week to see that you were alright...and you were. You have started sleeping all night in your own bed. My big boy.
For me I am a tangle of emotions though. I am so proud of you. I love watching you grow and learn and gain confidence and independence. In equal measure I want to cling to you being my baby. But you're not a baby anymore. You are the most amazing, special, funny little boy. We love you so much. And now I'm crying...again.
I wanted to remember the last time we shared our sleep. I think part of me knew the morning that we woke, that it was the last and that you were ready. I was lying on my side. You woke up and said 'mama' in your sweet little voice, rolled towards my back and put your arms around me to cuddle me. I love you my boy.
