12 Years Together

Today marks 12 years of being together. Not a lot has changed. Sure jobs, house, cars, tastes, styles may have all changed but we are still the same two that can sit on our bed, as we are currently doing, and talk about rubbish while eating chocolate fingers. 

So, we set ourselves a challenge. 12 minutes to write a poem to the other. This what we came up with!

Boo's Poem To Eli

I can't quite believe what's happening this year

It feels me with awe, my eyes fill with tears

My soul mate, my friend, my wife, and my lover

Soon to be the one whom our baby calls mother

This journey has taken some twists and some turns

Yours boobs are now bigger but still just as firm

Adventures together are things I adore

Time spent not together is a bit of a bore

I guess what I'm trying to say here and now

Is being with you makes my heart go kapow

I love you, adore you, and always will I 

Try harder each day till the day that I die. 

Eli's Poem To Boo

There once was a husband from Lymbridge Green

Who was incredibly handsome and keen

He was such an amazing lover

With his cock from beneath the cover

That not a happier girl could be seen

Then one day he plundered me in my prime

And our lives would alter for all time 

Following the mating

We are now (impatiently) waiting

For the next part of our adventure to be sublime

Maternity leave!

Until yesterday I had been on annual leave but I am now officially on maternity leave! That's it with work and uni for up to 52 weeks. Who knows when or whether I will return. This might just be the first day of my new permanent job :-)

Early signs of arrival???

I was woken up in the middle of last night by a sudden pain in my lower back, which travelled around my sides and into my tummy. My bump was rock hard, like Braxton Hicks, but definitely painful, rather than the mild discomfort they usually are. This obviously meant I was wide awake and for quite a while I lay there waiting for another pain, but nothing came. 

To be on the safe side I spoke to the on-call midwife today. She said it could well be very early, slow signs of labour; that I could get it again once a day, or notice them start to increase in frequency and intensity. Or it could be a one-off!! So, as usual with this pregnancy fun it could be something or it could be nothing! I think we are more than ready for it to be something :-)

Baby Shower - 16th October

Last Wednesday I had a surprise baby shower! It was planned and arranged by Claire & Richard, held at Mum & Dad's house. 

I had an inkling something was going on - Richard had been cooking all afternoon then vanished telling me to be ready at 7pm. I was collected by Diane (landlord) and driven to my parents house to find my friends all gathered there. Richard had been and dropped off a lovely curry for us all to eat, which was followed (at his instruction) by angel delight surprise!

Claire had planned some games - guessing name/weight, prices of baby items and making play doh babies! Everyone also wrote a message on a square if fabric which Richard will be making into a quilt for Edge. 

It was a grest evening and so lovely to see friends whom I may well not see again until after Edge arrived. I also received some lovely gifts - some for Edge, some for me! 

Back: Claire Yates, Sam Burrety, Amy Coombs

Middle: Teresa Scott, Diane Moore, Charlotte Muhleder, Emma Harper, Paula Dawes

Front: Mum (Grandma!), Jane Watts, Nicky Gregory, me!

Come on now - enough already :-)

Well to be completely honest I am done with the waiting. The months have now ticked down to weeks, and soon it will be days, and then it will be hours! But I am done with pregnancy. I want the next part of the adventure to start. Being patient is all very good. Waiting is fine - but only for so long.

We have the names chosen, we have done the classes, we have nappies. Come on - bring it on :-)

I can't wait to see a reflection of us in the little eyes. I can't wait for cuddles.

Finished work!!

I am now into the final stretch! After barely managing at work recently through tiredness and aches, I gave in and saw our GP on Tuesday. As I told him how I was feeling, he said he didn't understand why pregnant women try to work beyond 32 weeks! So at 31 + 3 I was signed off from work until next week when my annual leave, then maternity leave kicks in. I was instructed to catch up on my sleep and to relax!

It has only been 2 days, but the feeling of relief is immense. I am so happy to be able to potter around, to continue preparing for Edge to arrive and to be able to stop and take it easy when I need to...just spend time with Edge. 

The thought of not working for a year is odd. The thought that I may not work again for longer is even more odd. I truly never believed that I would be in this position. I am going to have a very different full time job soon and I have never been so excited!

Kick Counter - September

Kicking - September 

01/09 

08:45 couple of kicks as I woke up

10:00 wiggles after I went to the toilet, then 6 movements sat up in bed

10:45 bigger wriggles and nudges after breakfast for 10 minutes, incl hiccups.

11:30, 11:37 - kicks.

12:25 - kicked when R talking to bump!

13:30 - kick on ball.

14:10 - hiccups then 3 x kick and light flutters.

17:22, 17:32, 17:34 (doppler), 17:38, 17:43 - kicks.

18:10 - low movements & 1 kick.

19:15 - kick x 2.

19:25 - wiggle.

19:35 - hiccups.

19:55, 20:30, 20:42 - kicks.

21:20 - low & backward kicks/ moves (?7) for 15 mins.

22:00 - more kicking low & back for 10 mins.

23:11 - kick x 3 over 10 mins. 

23:35 - increase in moves, turns & kicking.

02/09 

Active night. Woken twice by kicking. 

07:00 - 07:45 - kicking when alarm went off, then whilst getting up & eating breakfast, then hiccups. 

09:00, 09:15, 09:25, 09:55, 10:30, 10:50, 11:35, 11:55, 12:34.

13:10, 13:27,  lunch.

13:38 - 14:00 - wiggles & kicks (x 4) at lunch.

Regular throughout afternoon. 15:20, 15:32, 15:55, 16:15

18:15, 18:30, 18:45, 19:02, 19:06

More throughout evening.

21:45 - big wriggles after ice cream!!

22:15 onwards - wriggles, kicks, bumps in bed. At least 10 in an hour? 

03/09

04:00 - kicks for 30 mins!

09:15, 09:44, 10:30, 10:35, 11:00, 11:10, 11:30, 12:25

13:15 - after lunch, sat in staff room. 13:20 big kick or turn? 13:29, 13:31, 13:35, 13:39, 13:46, squirms & kicks. 13:49 moving then 2 x kick, continued to move, more on right side than usual (able to feel head/bottom), 14:02.

Back in office 14:33, 14:48, 15:00, 15:34, 15:55, 

17:10 - Movements in car on way home.

18:00 - kick x lots and big moves. 

Occasional moves during evening. 

21:00 - 21:30 kicks, turns. Approx 8 in 30 mins. 

23:00 - kicks & turns at bedtime. 

04/09 

07:00 - 3 x kicks as I woke up.

07:30 - wiggles as I ate breakfast.

08:30 - bigger kicks & wiggles in car for 15 mins.

Work day - regular movements all day. 2 per hour average. 

20:30 - 22:00 8 kicks after dinner.

23:00 - wriggles & swishes , occasional kick & hiccups!

05/09

04:00 - kicks, some big moves.

05:30 - couldn't sleep, got up & ate, kicks.

07:15 - wriggles & nudges with hot choc.

08:00 - 09:30 - kicks during drive and more with squirms on arrival at work.

Morning - movements throughout, 2/3 per hour. 

13:15 - 13:45 kicks during lunch break. 

13:45 - turn & big kick, followed by nudges. 

15:00, 15:12, kicks. Continued for rest of afternoon. 

19:00 - kicks for 20 mins. 

20:15 - bigger kicks for 10 mins. 

21:30 - kicks & turns, incl 2 big kicks. 

23:00 - in bed, lots of wriggling for 30 mins. 

06/09

13:38 - 3 x kicks, then wiggles in 5 mins. Continued wiggles / nudges for 30 mins. 

14:45 - moves, rolls. 

15:00 - big wriggles & rolls. 

15:55 - hiccups & kicks for 15 mins. 

16:28, 16:39, 16:44, 16:58,

Evening 21:00 kicks after dinner, then in bed 23:00 - 0:00.

07/09

Morning - Kicks at least 2/3 per hour. A couple of bigger nudges. 

Bath - 2 kicks after. Hiccups. 

15:00 - lunch. 3 kicks. 

15:43 - 4 bigger kicks. 

17:00 - 17:45 lots of kicks, moves etc

Active evening. Big kicks, rolls at bedtime. 

08/09

04:45 - hiccups and 4 kicks in 15 mins. Continued moves for an hour - kept me awake!

08:15 - kicks & wriggles. Then hiccups & kicks at 08:35. Continued moves for an hour. 

Kicks throughout morning. In shower & dressing 12:00.

Afternoon quieter but still occasional move ? Sleeping?

19:30 movements started up more regularly. 

20:20 - hiccups & kicks over 20 mins. 

21:30 - a couple of rolls watching film. 

23:20 - 3 rolls, followed by 5 stronger, juddery kicks. A couple of lighter kicks as I went to sleep. 

09/09

05:30 - big kicks, rolls etc for 30 mins. 

06:30 - 07:45 lots of movement, kicks, turns, continued until 09:20.

10:10 - low wiggles & hiccups which lasted 15 mins. 

11:15 - rolls & kicks for 10 mins. 

11:36, 11:38, 11:57, 12:00, 12:09-12:12 bigger, 12:25, 12:42, 12:51, 12:57, 13:07, 13:11.

13:50, 14:25, 14:29, 14:34, 14:41, 14:54, 15:48, 16:09, 16:31

17:00 - hiccups & kicks

Evening - antenatal class. Occasional moves then rolling. 

22:00 - regular kicks in bed but not as vigorous as in past. 

23:00 - bigger moves started. 

Pains 13:10, 13:13, 13:35, 15:25, 15:45, 

10/09

04:30 can't sleep. Baby starts to kick. 

05:05 hiccups and moves for 10 mins. 

07:20 kicks woke me up then continued every few mins until 09:00.

09:43, 09:54, 10:10, 10:21, 10:46, 11:02

11:16 hiccups 

Last Night - Antenatal Class - Round 1

It's been a little while since I have written. It feels like ages but really in the grand scheme of things it probably hasn't been that long.

Time at the moment is a funny thing. It's a mixture of waiting for the big day and trying to make the most of now. Making the most of now is a strange one. It's not like you can go and do everything. Ever since we found out that Jo is pregnant things have changed. You can't decide, not that I would, that we are going to enjoy the last few months of it just being the two of us by going mad on the town, going on a pub crawl, doing the theme park rounds. In fact even the thought of going away at the moment is tricky. It requires far more organisation. But then, to be honest, that doesn't all really matter. When you are with someone you are quite happy just being with you don't need to change the scenery. Being is enough.

Aside from making the most of this time there is the preparation. The buying, organising, painting - I guess it's what males of all sorts of species do - I guess it's nesting. Once again the news that Jo is pregnant sent me in to a spin - researching, deciding, looking and then buying. That's all done now. We are as good as ready with all of the stuff. I am sure there is plenty more stuff we could get but we have everything that we need.

And so now we wait. I wait. This feels a little bit like the doldrums of an event. I know there is plenty of stuff going on inside Jo's body, but for me there is not a great deal happening. It's far enough away from the initial excitement of finding out, but not quite close enough to getting geared up for the birth.

I will probably look back and read this someday and think you plonker but for here and for now I feel pretty ready.

That was until last night - the first antenatal class.

It didn't change my feeling of readiness but it all started to become quite real again. 

At present I am sitting in McDonalds in Croydon. I have a latte, I have my iPad which I am writing this on, I am listening to chicane on my iPhone. My first appointment cancelled. I am waiting to go to my 12:30. There is nothing to do with pregnancy, birth, etc around me. This is my day job. It's sometimes possible to forget - only briefly though.

Last night we split into groups to talk about support. In one group were the bumps and in the other group were the blokes. We talked - some are scared, some, like me, are looking forward to it. Then we  joined back with the bumps. There was Jo sitting in amongst 7 other bumps. I know she is concerned and aware of her size relative to others but from where I was, and from a man's perspective all of the bumps looked like 'pregnant bumps.' All of them were subconsciously rubbing or holding their bumps. When we first got there at the beginning of the meeting there was a lot of defensive body language - sceptical looks, blokes with folded arms. The bumps couldn't fold their arms due to the bump - but there was a lot of reassuring rubbing and holding of the bumps. Probably without even realising it they were subconsciously protecting their young. They were being mothers. And there in the group was Jo. My Eli. My wife. My wife with a bump. My heart was bursting with pride, with love, and with thanks that the day I never though would happen - happened.

So now we know that there are others I the same sort of boat as we are in. Hopefully some will become friends. It seems like a nice group. The group leader - Victoria - is brilliant, very dry sense of humour.

I think I am about done with the waiting. It will be exactly months to the due date on Monday. I don't want to wish any time away but I feel like I am getting very close to being ready for this next adventure.....

First antenatal class

Last night we went to our first NCT antenatal class at Nackington village hall. We were joined by 7 other couples. For the first time we were surrounded by other women with bumps. 

We went with no expectations or preconceptions other than hoping to maybe make some new friends or at least find some support for the next few months. I think initial impressions were good. Everyone seemed friendly and equally overwhelmed by the enormity of the impending arrivals. 

We are due the latest out of the whole group, although going by the size of my bump at the moment I'm not sure that we will be last!

Scan 30th August

On Friday 30th August as a treat at the end of the summer holidays we decided to go to Babyscan in Ashford for a 4D scan. We had Josh and Grandma & Grandpa Coombes with us so they could also see Edge. 

We went in first for the sonographer to check that Edge was well and to see our baby's face for the first time. I don't think anything could have prepared me for the overwhelming emotion I felt seeing our baby's face. 

The others then joined us in the room and were able to see Edge too. Edge was doing some great yoga moves with legs up in front of face! 

I know I am going to be biased but I think Edge is beautiful. It is amazing to see such detail of the face, even to recognise some of our features. It has made me all the more excited to meet our baby.

Hiccups!

Not a lot more to say than that!!! Edge got hiccups last night. I was suddenly aware of a slow, pulse type feeling. It was every couple of seconds and went on for about 10 minutes :-)

Midwife appointment

I had my next appointment with Irene today to check how Edge and I are doing. She did the usual checks - blood pressure, pulse, urine - which were all clear. 

When I lay down my bump was measured this time, to see if Edge is about the right size. As she was feeling my bump I asked if she could tell which bit of baby was where. She said she could!! That Edge is head down and the back is to my left at the moment. So when I see my bump go wonky, like a wedge shape, that is Edge's bottom sticking out!

Starting to get ready!

It has been ages since either of us has posted anything. The weeks are ticking by and I'm nearly at the third trimester already! Uni has finished and I have passed my first year. I won't be returning in September, but deferring for a year. Instead I have to work at KCC until maternity leave starts in October. I am proud of all I have achieved this year, especially being pregnant with a mushy brain for much of it!

I am fortunate that I have had a little time off before I should be recommencing my studies, which has allowed me to slow down and rest when I need to...something I am having to learn to do! It has also meant that we have been able to start getting things ready for Edge's arrival. The house has been taken over by baby stuff...who knew how much clobber a tiny person needs. Our bedroom has become part-nursery, with the arrival of the hammock, change table and rocking chair. Drawers and cupboards are filled with tiny clothes and warm blankets. Nappies are stacked high. All quite surreal, but so exciting!

Edge is moving about a lot more now. The peak of activity tends to be just as I am wanting to relax and sleep! Is this a sign of things to come?! 

Big baby???

So with the scan last week measuring Edge's head in the 95th centile and the news from both Grandma's that we each weighed 9lbs 3oz at birth, it looks like we won't be having a tiny baby!! The midwife told me today that babies birth weights are around the average of the parents birth weight. So unless Edge makes an early entrance...show me to the pain relief!!

Anniversary surprise!

Straight after our scan, Richard took me for a surprise 8th wedding anniversary trip to Swanage. He had arranged with my work for me to have time off and had packed for me. 

Swanage is a special place for us and it was Edge's first visit there. We stayed in a B&B called A Great Escape, run by a slightly eccentric lady called Sue and had a lovely room. For dinner we walked to Gee Whites and shared tempura prawns and a massive cod, chips & mushy peas. We took a walk along the pier and found our plaque. We took photos of us both and Edge with our plaque. The evening was finished off eating a '99' flake watching the sun set over the bay. I couldn't have wished for a happier anniversary. 

The next day we went to Brownsea Island, via the ferry and little island boat. We felt old, having joined the National Trust, then eating our lunch of soup and a roll!! We saw peacocks and noisy chickens and strolled around enjoying the warm sun. 

On our way home that evening we stopped at Kiddicare - a massive baby store - and looked at buggies. Who knew there were so many to choose from...and we're still not certain which one to go for!

We talked and talked in the car (and I dozed a bit!). I love Richard so much. I told him that I didn't think it was possible to love him any more than I already do, but I adore him so much and love him more and more everyday. I love Edge more and more everyday too and can't wait until he or she arrives, so we can all have fun adventures together. 

All Good At 20 Weeks

Head - Bigger than average

Leg - Smaller than average

Feet - Just right

Everything looks just perfect. We spent a little longer watching Edge today. The ultrasounder had to do a detailed check of all the major organs etc and all was well. The only time we couldn't watch the screen was when she checked 'down there' as we don't want to know if Edge is a boy or girl. We will find out soon enough. 

Although we have listened to Edge almost every day we haven't had the pleasure of seeing since 8 weeks ago. 

Such fun :-)

Waiting for 20 Week Scan

Well here we are again. Weeks have travelled by an now we are waiting for our 20 week scan. It's our anniversary today. 8 years. 8 years of being with the most amazing person I could imagine. 8 years of being married to my best friend. And today, we get to celebrate our anniversary with a scan. Almost every day we listen to Edge but today we get to see Edge. 

I don't think I am nervous. I'm excited an looking forward to seeing how much edge has grown. We may even find out whether we will have a boy or girl. Hopefully not but you never know. 

Happy Days :-)

Goodbye to Frizzle & Biscuit

Sometimes you have to make decisions that are hard but for the best. 

Today has been the culmination of one if those. 

It was only a few months ago that life was quite different. We, in good faith that we could offer 2 ferrets a good home that needed to be rehomed by a lovely family in Maidstone, adopted Frizzle & Biscuit. They were lovely. Once they had settled into being handled, and into their new home, they never bit or nipped. They were content to play. I don't think it is exaggerating things to say that I loved them. Over the last few months I have loved getting to know them, their expectant faces, their excited hoping around as you came near, their funny sounds, and sideways jump running. 

We adopted them, as I have already said, in good faith that we would give them a loving and attentive home. I never expected that we would be pregnant. We are pregnant. We really are. 

I have no idea what life will be like in a few months time but I do know that it is most likely going to be full on. So, for that reason we have decided to say goodbye to the two chaps. They have gone to Harrietsham Ferret Rescue. They are lovely people and they have said that they probably won't be going anywhere as they are 2 little characters. They may say that to everyone but I don't think so. 

So, that's that. Good bye little guys. I hope your next adventure is great fun. I know it will be as that is what you do - look for the next great adventure.

We, in turn, will keep on with our amazing, and quite unexpected adventure. 

Weeks & Changes

On the one hand it seems like ages since I last wrote on here, on the other hand - not long at all. 

It seems strange to say it but life is passing by in weeks. I guess it probably does for everyone but maybe not. I guess for some time is measured in the next deadline, or the amount of time left before a flight or a meeting, the hours left to revise before and exam. For me it is weeks. We are in Week 18. We have known now for 7 weeks and a day. It almost hard to remember what life was like before we found out. On the one hand those weeks feel like they have passed so quickly, but on the other hand it seems like forever.

In 2 weeks time it will be halfway. Given we didn't know Jo was pregnant for 10 weeks I guess that, although the pregnancy is already halfway, our experience of the pregnancy is just a third of the way through.

I do not want to wish any of this time away. Relaxing in bed on a Sunday morning, meals out, meals in, going out to friends. In essence, being us. But, it is quite intriguing that in a few weeks time being us will means something quite different. In some respects it already is different. Being us has always been 2 quite different things. During the week and every other weekend being us is the 2 of us - adults enjoying each other, pretty much doing what we want. Every other weekend being us is the 2 of us and Josh. Josh is 12 now so it's pretty easy. We talk, play table tennis, watch films (films that Josh likes watching I like as well, but they aren't alway (well in fact most of the time) Jo's cup of tea!)) 

Being us - as in me and Jo - is quite straight forward. Jo is my first priority, and I am hers in everything. That gets slightly smudged when Josh is with us but is still generally speaking true. The transition over the last 7 weeks is quite major though. Us is different. Us is no longer the 2 of us. On the outside it may still look that way but on the inside it isn't. Jo is still my first priority, but I am no longer hers. Edge is her first responsibility and rightly so. That takes some getting your head around. We never thought we would be having children so it goes without saying that I did not expect to have to consider let alone accept such a change. I can see how it can cause problems for many. Not in my case I am very happy to say. 

It is strange but I don't think I can help looking at Jo in a different way. She is still the person I fell in love with. She is still my best friend. She is still my soul mate. She is still the one that I want to always be with. She is still the one that I am intensely attracted to. And yet there is now another dimension. She is the carrying mother of our child. So how can I not look at her differently. She is not just mine anymore. Jo is effectively ours, as I am theirs. How wonderfully weird is that. How cool is that!

First kick??

Another post about maybe feeling Edge move...I've been having the occasional fluttery feeling, a bit like a muscle twitch for a couple of weeks. They haven't been daily and I have to stop and concentrate on them to be sure! But yesterday, whilst in Morrisons car park of all places (classy!), I felt 3 distinct kicks. It was like I was being poked from the inside. This was then followed by a squirmy feeling. Nothing as noticeable today though. 

I think Richard must be fed up with me telling him about funny feelings, then always ending up saying "...but it could just be wind!" Whilst I don't want to wish time away, I can't wait to feel Edge move about more, with no doubt that it could be wind!

Crisps

This post is trivial but I just want to note it. Jo's craving at the moment seems to be anything that contains 'junk' status - in particular cheeseburgers and salt and vinegar crisps!

Antenatal check-up

I saw the midwife yesterday for an antenatal check up. It still feels a bit strange checking in at reception, saying I'm  there to see the midwife! 

She had the blood test results which had all come back clear, negative or low risk. My blood pressure was checked and is good, as is my urine. She then examined me and said my uterus has risen up to just under my belly button, so it's no surprise I have a bump now! She then listened to Edge with a doppler and said the heartbeat was strong and at a good rate. She now doesn't want to see me until July!

So I asked, how do I know everything is ok until then? I was told it just is...to get on with life, to relax and enjoy being pregnant! 

Baby Stuff In The Shopping

The little bits have started filtering into the shopping. Still a bit early I know but hey, come on, why not?!

Happy Days. 

BTW - they are posh nappies from Waitrose!!!!! - that won't last!

We can hear Edge

We have been in Brittany for a week which means we are a week further in to the pregnancy. We are now heading in to Week 15. It has been a week of relaxing and exercising and eating plenty of French frites and baguettes.

When we got home last night the first thing I wanted to do was listen to Edge. We had bought a Angel Sounds Doppler in week 11 but had heard nothing in 11 & 12 and then we were away in 13.

It took only 30 odd seconds and there was the sound of Jo's placenta followed by the faint sounds of Edge's heartbeat. Amazing - you even hear me exclaim when I hear Edge for the first time. After 2 minutes I found Edge's heartbeat again and it was much clearer and stronger. I then handed the headphones over to Jo who listened and you can then hear her laughing and crying.

This picture is of Jo listening to Edge for the first time. I think that had a pink elephant flown across the room in front of her and she wouldn't have noticed!

Amazing

Eating out with a bump

We used to choose what we fancied. We would skip meals and eat at odd times. Now there is a schedule and a purpose. If Jo gets hungry (and it comes on pretty quickly) she runs out of energy. Edge is certainly pulling resources. 

We have to check when eating out as to what is in the food. You are what you eat is never more so poignant when a completely dependant little soul is relying on you I make the right decisions. 

At the moment as we are on holiday in France and I speak French I have to shoulder the responsibility of asking and understanding the ingredients to a great level than my normal 'I'm sure it will be fine!'

Fortuatously frites are ok!

Fidget or sloth...part deux

Last night I was woken up by a fast popping feeling in my tummy, right below my tummy button which is just where Edge should be about now. 

Was it Edge or was it wind?!!! Who knows, but better to record it for posterity!

Introducing Fred

Josh brought over Fred this evening. Fred used to keep Josh company when he was very little. Fred will be keeping watch with Eamon over the cot until one day in the future.

All good in the womb

So the scan was fine. Edge is now 6.2cm. Heart was beating well. Back of the neck measurement is 1.2m (well under the 3.3m threshold.)
The due date has moved up 2 places to 16th November. 2 days less to prepare!
And finally we broadcast the news on Facebook so it's out.
I still can't quite believe it is happening.
We also picked up the cot from Summer Letchford in Dover today. It's set up in the bedroom already. Jo thinks it should come down. I'm not sure about that.
Frizzle & Biscuit have gone over to Harrietsham on holiday and to have their bits chopped to make them less smelly. They don't know that yet though.
One more day of work and then holiday to Brittany.
It's been a busy day and another good day.

Dating Scan

No not some test for finding a partner but today at 12:30 we have the official dating scan. It will confirm or change the due date which currently stands at 18th November.

We also have other tests to see that all is good. If there are questions, I may have to give blood! Hopefully not. I'm not great with needles.

It's another wait. In fact that seems to sum up pregnancy quite well. It's a wait. A lesson in patience.

Hoping and praying that all is well later today.......

Successful shopping!

Bra shopping went well! I'm not sure who might be reading this, but the purpose of it is for us to keep a record. So, sorry if this is too much information...pre pregnancy I was 32C/D. At week 12, I have already gone up to 34C. Eeek...surely the growth will slow down?

Other than bras I am now the proud owner of some skinny jeans, pj bottoms and 3 new tops, all with room for Edge to grow.

We also had a spot of lunch in M&S cafe, which made us feel a bit old :-S

Shopping for bras and big pants!

So today is the day that maternity clothes shopping starts. The fact is that less and less of the existing wardrobe is fitting! Well that's Jo's excuse anyway!

First off, bras! As Jo is taken off to be measured, I am left to wander around the bras! Always an interesting exercise!

I think we are off to big pants after bras. What more could you ask for to do on your bank holiday!

Monday Quote

My wife whom I adore seems to have a severe case of fuzzy head or pregnancy brain. In other words it has gone to mush.

This morning, on discussing breast feeding and talking about my chest Jo made the following observation:

It's a good thing women's chests aren't as hairy as men's otherwise when breast feeding the hair would get stuck in the baby's teeth.

Apparently our baby will be born with a full set of gnashers!

The worrying thing is Jo is doing a masters degree!

Predictions

Although we have no scientific basis for this we are creating a list for polling whether Edge will be a boy or girl.

Josh - 3rd May - Boy
Jo - 3rd May - Boy
Richard - 3rd May - Girl
Grandma Coombes - 5th May - Girl
Grandpa Coombes - 5th May - Girl
Grandma Heywood - 7th May - Boy
Paula - 7th May - Girl
Dave - 7th May - Girl

Gary - 23rd May - Girl

Emma - 23rd May - Girl

Fidget or sloth?

I felt a funny thing yesterday at bed time. It felt like tiny fizzy bubbles, just for a moment, then again a few minutes later.

It didn't feel like normal tummy gurglings, it was a much more delicate feeling. Was it our baby or was it wind?! Apparently you can sometimes feel movements this early on. The worrying thing is that it is allegedly a sign of things to come...a lively one both in pregnancy and after. It is amazing to think that our little one already knows if they are going to be a fidget like their Dad or a sloth like their Mum!!

Gift from Steve & Diane

We told Diane our news on Wednesday 1st May in the afternoon. We had come back from me having had a fruitless work day in Croydon. Jo had accompanied me for the day. Diane was cutting the grass. We interrupted her and told her. She was thrilled and gave Jo advice about drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea after on in pregnancy but not at the moment.

The following morning there was a card and gift outside our door.

Thank you Steve & Diane

Gift from Mrs Edwards

I visited Mrs Edwards on Thursday 2nd May on a Thermal Seal survey. I received a text from Jo while with Mrs Edwards to say that the first midwife appointment (the booking in appointment) had gone well and there was much to talk about. I told Mrs Edwards about our surprise and she was thrilled. Mrs Edwards had lost her husband in February and they had never been able to have children but she knitted for babies.

Just before I left the appointment she gave me two knitted jackets for Edge. One yellow, and one white as per the attached photos.

Thank you Mrs Edwards.

Life Changing

In the last few days I have had the privilege and joy for seeing my best friend find out she is a mother. I have seen her parents find out their daughter is having a baby. I am now just 24 hours away from us being able to tell Josh he is a brother.

Simple words - mother, grandparents, brother but completely and utterly life changing.

Time passes

The scan was fine. Everything was as it should be. Edge has grown to about 5cm now.

Now we just carry on preparing ourselves mentally. It's a waiting game now. I am sure in the next 200 odd days there will be many when not a great deal happens, we'll at least for me that is! I am sure some would say you should enjoy them because then you will wonder what a day with nothin happening felt like!

In the words of Tom Hanks in The Terminal - 'I wait.'

Next appointment

In an hour's time we will spend another few minutes watching Edge on the screen. Measurements will be done, checks will be made and progress will be noted. That is all important stuff and, of course, it should be done but for me just watching will be sufficient. Watching a little life that has been created by us with help from upstairs. Watching a little life that has been entrusted to us for safekeeping.

Flying or Hiding

Part of me wants to run as fast as I can, open my arms as wide as I can until they hurt, leap and fly above the clouds. I want to sore and swoop. I want to dive and glide. I want to feel the sun on my skin and the pure cool air whoosh past my face. I want to fly faster than my thoughts and hear nothing but the air moving past me.

Part of me wants to go somewhere small and quiet and hide. Somewhere where my thoughts can't find me. Somewhere that is silent. Somewhere that is calm.

To hope for something and yet to have the fear of losing something you didn't even think was possible to have is still melting my brain!

Eamon

This is Eamon.

We are looking after him for the next few months until we can hand him over when Edge is born.

He will stay with Edge as much as possible and probably have a few adventures of his own along the way.

Knowledge - Good or Bad

Last night we went to the hospital to be told nothing. We were told that it could be something but it might not be but there was nothing that could be done.

We have known about Edge for a week now and we are currently going through our biggest test.

Light brown spotting has occurred. It could be the beginning of a miscarriage. It could be the beginning of us having to say goodbye to Edge. It probably isn't and it is probably just a tiny discharge as a result of the internal scan we had on Thursday. The problem is that we don't know.

If you know something you don't need to trust because you know it already. When you aren't sure, or you don't know, you have to trust and hope. Trusting and hoping is hard when all you want is to know.

We have no reason to believe that anything is wrong but, then again, we have no frame of reference.

We have to hope and trust.

Edge is safe in Jo's womb. Edge is safe in the creators hands. We have to hope and trust.

This is one of those moments I wish I could fast forward but we are here and we are now and we must wait.

We must hope and trust.

Knowledge - Good or Bad

Last night we went to the hospital to be told nothing. We were told that it could be something but it might not be but there was nothing that could be done.

We have known about Edge for a week now and we are currently going through our biggest test.

Light brown spotting has occurred. It could be the beginning of a miscarriage. It could be the beginning of us having to say goodbye to Edge. It probably isn't and it is probably just a tiny discharge as a result of the internal scan we had on Thursday. The problem is that we don't know.

If you know something you don't need to trust because you know it already. When you aren't sure, or you don't know, you have to trust and hope. Trusting and hoping is hard when all you want is to know.

We have no reason to believe that anything is wrong but, then again, we have no frame of reference.

We have to hope and trust.

Edge is safe in Jo's womb. Edge is safe in the creators hands. We have to hope and trust.

This is one of those moments I wish I could fast forward but we are here and we are now and we must wait.

We must hope and trust.

A hard night

Jo has had a hard day today. Dull lower abdomen pain all day and a little spotting this evening. We called NHS direct who sent us for a 12:15am appointment with the on call doctor that told us if it was a miscarriage that we shouldn't worry as we could try again! Come on, is that really the best thing to say?

We are now back home, trying to relax, hoping and praying that its nothing, but fearing it could be something.

This time last week......

How many times in the past have I thought it.

This time last week we were sitting on the beach, enjoying our holiday, going to the airport, etc etc

Well at the moment this is my 'this time last week'

This time last week at 12:45 Jo gad come back from the hospital and had called me upstairs. This time last week we found out we're expecting. This time last week we found out we were recipients of a miracle. This time last week we found out Jo is a mother to an olive sized miracle.

This time last week Martin Smith released God's Great Dance Floor.

This time last week we started learning about trust and hope and gifts.

This time last week our lives changed......

This time last week.
How amazing.
This time last week.

This is serious now.....

This really is serious. At precisely 19:15 this evening Jo removed her belly button piercing. She has had that for a little over 11 1/2 years so its quite something for it to be removed!

My thoughts...at last ;-)

I guess it is about time I write something down. Richard tells me I should or I will forget how I am feeling!

How am I feeling...? I'm not sure I can put it in words, maybe that is why I haven't until now. Physically, one moment I feel fine, the next I feel really icky! Finding out I'm pregnant was not the answer I was expecting to all those times over recent weeks when I have wondered what was wrong with me.

For many weeks I have been physically exhausted to a degree I have never experienced. I kept saying to Richard 'I just don't feel right'. I had tummy cramps and a sickness bug. I was sooo hungry all the time...more so than is typical for me!

Now I get dizzy if I get up too quickly, my heart bangs if I just walk up the stairs, I get indigestion if I eat a full meal, I am a bit queasy sometimes and still shattered! But now I know why and I don't mind any of these things. Now I know why, despite dieting, my tummy wouldn't go down. I am happy to see and feel my little round tummy. And I am happy to feel tired and poorly because the most amazing and unbelievable thing has happened. I am going to be a mum and I will do and experience whatever it takes to keep our little one safe and well.

This really is happening :-)

Results from a lovely afternoon in London and a private scan;

Heartbeat - check
2 Legs - check
2 arms - check
Fingers & Toes - check
Tears - check
Kicking and moving - check
Unbridled happiness - check
Conclusion: all good with us

This really is real!
This really is happening!
Thank you

Couldn't Wait

I spoke to the midwife those morning. Her name is Eileen. It looks like we won't see her until next Thursday but she would prefer to see us sooner.

Days seem to be taking forever to pass but, then again, I want to be here today and not wish them away.

We have succumbed to the temptation of paying for a scan today. Currently we are on the train heading up to London. London was the only place we could have an appointment today.

So how do we feel. How do I feel. Mostly I am confident and calm. That is only a feeling that has risen in the last day or so.

This baby is a miracle. Our little prune is causing ripples in a pond beyond any that I could imagine. And yet I am calm. I was not aware of our miracle prior to Sunday so we are not at this point from the efforts of me worrying so it is fairly safe to say that worrying from now on isn't going to help. Easier said than done though!

I am also confident. This is a miracle. This is an awakening. This is the start of something huge. Our little prune has caused a ball to start rolling. I have no idea where we are going yet. My mother in law knew this would happen. She knew because she heard a voice telling her that Jo would have a baby. Maybe I have been so busy trying that I haven't spent enough time listening.

There is a calmness and confidence, but I would be lying if I said there weren't butterflies occasionally flapping their wings inside me.

It's now 1:41pm. We are almost at St. Pancras. In an hour and a half we have our scan. Butterflies are flapping a little bit more now!

A Nut, an Olive and a Mustard Seed

Someone much cleverer than me once said that if you have faith the size if a mustard seed you could move a mountain.

I heard Bear Grylls once say that a great oak tree is only a little nut that held its ground.

Our precious little one is only the size of an olive at the moment but quickly growing to the size of a prune.

Lessons in life, challenges in life, and changes in life may only be caused by something very small, but the lessons and consequences can be huge.

We have only known about our little olive since Sunday but I am becoming more and more convinced that this is the start of something huge. Not sure what yet but I feel the olive, the nut and the mustard seed are planning something big and I am pretty sure they are being helped!

Where I Am

Where I Am

Here in this place
Here in this silence
This is where I am
Can you find me?
Where I am

Here in this time
Here in this place
This where I am
Will you find me?
Where I am

If I can't see you
If I can't hear you
If I can't find you
Will you find me?
Where I am

If I can't search for you
If I can't talk to you
If I can't walk to you
Will you come to me?
Where I am

If this is real
If this truth
If this is forever
Will you show me?
Where I am

Will you hold me
Will you carry me
Will you lift me
From where I am
To where you are

Awake at 4:30am

Last night I was awake at 4:30am. Mind was going a zillion miles an hour. Trying to slow it down or power it down was nigh on impossible.
Jo was awake as well. I guess it's all preparation for what's to come.
I must have dozed off again and I'm glad I don't have an early appointment today as I would have missed it.

Faith, Hope, Trust & Love

The feeling of being the male half of a new pregnancy is quite confusing.

On the one hand there is the 'job well done boys,' 'nice one,' and all of the other comments one can make. But on the other hand you have to start being drawn into an interactive spectator event of which you can do very little but climb the mountains, walk through the valleys, and generally be by your pregnant lover's side.

You have to trust that all is well. You have to trust her and her intuition. You have to trust the doctors and midwives. You have to trust the scans. You have to trust the silence between appointments. Basically you have to do a lot of trusting.

You have to hope that everything is moving along as it should. You have to have faith some would say. You have to love in a way that is new.

Jo and I are very happily married. She is my best friend, the one I love being with, whether doing something, or doing nothing. Jo is the one I love travelling with exploring with, adventuring with. And now this.....being pregnant. It is, by far, our biggest adventure and one that is challenging the very core of my foundations of some small words that have big meaning.

Faith - the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of that which cannot be seen
Hope - a strong and confident expectation
Love - a purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another
Trust - a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship or other sound principle of another person

If it really is true that faith can move mountains, and that faith is as defined above then we are here today not through my faith.
If real hope is as defined above, then we are here today not through my hope.
If love is as defined above then I can, without hesitation, say I love Jo.
If trust is as defined above then I can say, without hesitation, I trust Jo.

Several weeks ago, while driving to Brighton, I asked myself, while on the M20 where the trains run next to the road, 'is this it, or is there something more?' Did I expect an answer? Did I ask anyone in particular (I was alone in the car at the time.) Did I expect an answer?

I have been given an answer. The little soul inside Jo will grow from the size of an olive to a prune this week safe in the all encompassing protection and loving care from Jo. That little olive is my answer. That little olive is my challenge to find a hope and faith that is real, strong and sound.

As for love, there is no shortage......

Here we go.........

Yesterday life changed a little. Jo found out she is pregnant. We are pregnant! Wow!

How does this happen to us? Seven years ago we tried IVF. It didn't work. It took a lot out of us. We decided not to do IVF again. We decided that 'what will be, will be.' We thought that meant we wouldn't have children together.

Now that seems to have changed. Yes, we are older. Yes we are more at risk. Yes there is a higher chance that it might not all go according to plan. But how do you deal with that. Do you spend your time fearing the worst, or hoping for the best. Well I know we can deal with bad news. Goodness knows we have had enough practice. So I am going to hope for the best, and until I am told otherwise I am hoping and I am enjoying.

Today we start week 10. We only found out yesterday so today we must start finding out what we need to find out. Midwives, plans, tablets, diet, health, and a meal out to celebrate.

Oh my goodness!

Jo went for a check up today. I stayed at home with Josh. We were getting the bikes ready for going cycling. Jo got back early and I hadn't finished getting the bikes ready or preparing the bagels for lunch.

Jo went upstairs to change and a moment later called me upstairs. She was standing in the bedroom, tears in her eyes. She had a piece of the paper in her hand and a scan print out.

All she managed to say was 'I'm pregnant'

Nothing more to be said really. That one statement changed our lives there and then!

Jo saw and heard the heart beat on the scan. We still did a pregnancy test later on just so that we had one that was different to all the others that we had done.